Move Over Chef Elif, Here Comes Chef Gregorovich?!

Elif has made it clear from the very beginning that the kitchen was her  area…and I didn’t argue (Hey, I may be dumb but I’m not stupid!).  Her cooking is phenomenal and they’re all Turkish dishes which most are new to me.  I love trying new foods so  it’s a win-win.

The other night Elif’s brother made dinner so I figured one night I’d make dinner.  I  decided on tacos.  But what to go with them?  Naturally, mexican rice and re-fried beans (just hearing the words, re-fried beans, always makes me think of the comedian, Mitch Hedberg.  “I like re-fried beans.  That’s why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they’re just as good and we’re wasting time.  You don’t have to fry them again after all.”

But I couldn’t make that shit if my life depended on it.  Well, if my life depended on it and I had a gun to my head I would throw the ingredients into a pan and let it get extremely hot and pour it on the SOB who was holding me at gun point.  But I’m getting WAAAYY off topic.

Anyway, I can’t make mexican rice or re-fried beans.  Not with any level of good flavor.  Fortunately, Old El Paso does.  So, off to the commissary for supplies.

The shopping list:

Tortillas, check.   (I decided to go with flour as to avoid a large mess that usually comes with frying corn tortillas)

Ground beef, check.

Taco seasoning, check.

Re-fried beans in a can, check.

Shredded mexican four-cheese, check.

Mexican rice…in a microwaveable bag!?!?…hell yeah check!!

Elif already had tomatoes and stuff so no worries there.  While I’m at the store let me grab some chips and salsa.  Oh, and hot sauce.  I ended up grabbing Sriracha sauce.  I  know, Asian, not Mexican but I just love that shit!!  And it goes with everything just like it says on the side of the bottle.  I’d make love to it if…ok, little too graphic for this forum.  What I’m trying  to say is that it’s friggin really good.

On the day of taco night I was actually nervous.  I haven’t cooked for anyone in ages!!  Hell, I haven’t cook ın ages period!  This should be interesting.

In the morning I made sure to pull out the ground beef so it would thaw.

All day I kept looking at the time, “Should I start now!?  They won’t be home for another five hours.  NO, don’t start now, you idiot!”, I thought to myself.  Actually, I said it out loud but you can’t prove it so, no, I’m not crazy.

Finally, they were estimated to be home in an hour and a half so I started prepping.  I’ve seen many cooking shows and most of them say to start off with wine.  So I popped open a bottle of Gnarly Head’s Old Vin Zin, a red wine, and poured me a glass.  Then started chopping shit.  Tomatoes…not fingers.

I think I drank half the bottle before they got home.

They arrived when the meat was almost done (haha, I said meat) and the re-fried beans were warming up and nearly done too.  Now to heat up the tortillas.

I forgot that they don’t use a comal here so I had to improvise.  Back home, when I was a kid and now to this day, we just throw the tortilla on the stove’s burner (as long as its a gas stove.  Don’t do it on an electric…I learned that the hard way right after I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 and got my first apartment.).  As soon as I threw the tortilla onto the burner Elif went nuts!!

“Baby!!  What are you doing!?!?”, she said in horror.

“I’m heating up the tortillas.”

“But…but…No!!  You’re going to hurt yourself!”, she pleaded.

I said, “No baby, this is how we do it back home.  It’s ok.  Don’t worry.”

Meanwhile, I let the tortilla sit on the open flame a little too long and kinda burnt my finger.  Nothing bad.  Just a sizzle.  Adds character.

Fortunately, Elif dıdn’t see that but it still didn’t change the fact that she highly disapproved of my actions and she made it clear for several minutes before she finally let me be.  She walked over to check things out with that look of, “pro wanting to observe the novice” and looked at the re-fried beans.

“What is this!?”, she said with a look that I couldn’t tell if it was curiosity or disgust…maybe both.

I  explained what they were and she just said, “Interesting.”

If you think about it, re-fried beans aren’t very pleasant to look at.  So, I understood her hesitation.   And thankfully she wasn’t here to observe them come out of the can.  Looked like canned Alpo dog food.

Everything was ready just had to microwave the rice.  60 seconds as the instructions said.  And sure enough, 60 seconds was all it took.

I showed them how to fix tacos and explained there’s really no wrong way.  We fixed our plates and we dug in.

I didn’t have to ask Elif’s brother if he liked them because he was going for his third helping before I finished my first.  And was really digging the Srıracha.  The guy was a champ!  Elif on the other hand was a little different.

I saw her examining the re-fried beans with  her spoon and asked if she liked it.

She said, “It’s good but looks like baby food.”

I laughed nearly choking on my food.

She ended up liking the food and got a second plate.

When we were done I asked her what she thought and she said, “I like.  Very good, different.”

I said, “Baby, all the meals you cook are very good but different.”

She laughed and with a smile and said, “I understand.”

I’m not going  to get my own cooking show anytime soon and I’ve definitely had better but it was pretty good.  But in  typical Gregorovich fashion I made WAY too much which Elif pointed out when it was time to clean up.

I said, “I know.  I know.  But I can have it for lunch tomorrow.”

She replied with, “Yes…and  the next day…and the next day…and the next…”

Dinner guest and a shoulder-check at the door

We were at Elif’s house sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. I’m at the end of the table and Elif is to my right and there was someone sitting to her right. I assumed it was her brother until I heard her brother in the living room so I looked past Elif to see who it was.

To Elif’s right was this alien-demon looking thing with gray ashy skin sitting there eating quietly. It’s head mostly transparent. You could see its oddly shaped skull through its skin.

Oh yeah, this was a dream I had last night.

I looked at Elif and looked towards hungry-alien-demon guy to see if she’d seen him. She shrugged at me as to say, ‘Yes, but what am I supposed to do?’

We sat there and ate our meal in silence. The alien-demon never said a word. It just sat and ate. And it ate very politely.

Now, you’re probably thinking this is a horrible nightmare but it wasn’t. Yes, the alien-demon was threatening “looking” but it never did anything threatening. As a matter of fact, after it was done eating it got up from the table and picked up it’s dishes and placed them in the sink. Then it turned to the large open window, jumped out and flew away.

That’s the table we were sitting at in my dream and the window alien-demon guy jumped out of and the one Elif wanted me to jump out of. Interesting.

I guess it could be accused of being rude because it didn’t say thank you but that’s about it.

Very weird dream.

The very next day Elif and I were sitting at her table goofing off and as a joke she said, “That’s it…”

And she pointed to the window and said,”Go. Jump out the window.”

I started laughing historically, not historically…hysterically, then realized that this was actually kind of freaky. I then explained to her the dream I had.

She accused me of making it up based on what she had just told me.

I told her I hadn’t and went and grabbed my iPad. You see, after the dream I woke up and started typing it out.

She then believed me.

Then I remembered what else happened that night as I was typing out my dream.

While I was typing, the lights were off and since I was using my iPad the light emitting from it didn’t allow me to see anything else in the room.

Then while typing I felt someone staring at me. I chalked it up to residual feelings from the weird, potentially scary, dream I just had and kept typing.

But the feeling of a second presence began to grow.

I turned the iPad around to have the light from it shine in the room. As my eyes adjusted I could see something…someone…

‘No. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me.’ I thought to myself. Then the figure moved.

Shivers ran up and down my body like an electrical current.

My eyes, finally adjusted to the darkness, saw who it was. It was Elif.

Apparently, she was sleep walking.

Not wanting to scare her (which I don’t know why because she scared the hell out of me) I spoke to her softly to try to wake her up.

“Baby. Baby. Wake up, baby.”

She finally “woke up(??)” and she ran, literally RAN, out the room onto the balcony and into the living room. As she ran out the room she shoulder-checked the door frame, which didn’t even phase her, and kept running.

I stood there laughing and jokingly said, “Well, goodnight to you too.”

Telling her the story she recalled some of the events and we both had a great laugh.

Good times.

Conversation with Elif – What did you just call me?!

I think I’ll start a category of pieces titled ‘Conversations with Elif’. Our conversations can be quite comical at times.

This was wile I was still in the hospital…

Elif’s sister and her sister’s children (why don’t I just say her nieces and nephews?!) came to the city to do some school shopping. So, Elif wanted to go visit them. Plus, she said it would give me some time to rest and get some sleep.

At this point it’s day five in the hospital and I’ve been feeling pretty restless and irritated. I think my nerves were getting the best of me. I tried not to show it to Elif but I guess sometimes you just can’t help it. Maybe, by Elif saying she will “give me time to rest” meant that she just wanted me to chill for a while. Totally don’t blame her plus I understand the importance of family and I felt bad that she was here and not with her sister.

When she returned, she pulled out a bag that had my clothes in it. Apparently she took my dirty clothes and washed them.

I was still feeling a little restless and irritable since I really haven’t been able to do anything but I was very glad to see her shining face.

She pulled out a shirt that I had packed but hadn’t worn yet, she must have grabbed it on accident. I told her that that shirt was clean but thank you for washing it. This shirt is one of my favorites. It’s also the one which I had gotten some chicken blood stains on the previous weekend (no, not a satanic ritual. Was a BBQ/picnic) and failed to look at it thoroughly after washing it and didn’t notice that the blood stain hadn’t fully come out. When she pulled it out was when I noticed the stain. In my state of frustration kI got irritated and voiced my frustration. It wasn’t at her though. I was just angry that I had done that to one of my favorite shirts. Maybe this is why I shouldn’t wear white shirts.

In response to my act of frustration she says, (and this is in her Turkish accent) “YOU are gohdt!”

I couldn’t tell if she was calling me a “god”…probably not…or “good”…again, probably not.

“I am what?”, I ask.

“You are gohdt! You are angry gohdt baby.”

Still not understanding I ask her what she meant.

She puts both her index fingers up to her head to make the devil horn gesture and says, “Bah bah bah.”

“Ahhh, you’re saying I am a goat!!”, I say laughing hysterically.

“Yes, you are angry goat baby.”

Translation: angry baby goat. Meaning I am stubborn and I’m being angry or mean.

Our laughing continued for quite some time. Good times.

The following morning Elif is organizing my clothes and she pulls up the favorite shirt.

She asks, “Who washes your clothes?”

“I do.”, I said, expecting a smart reply.

She then says, “Then who is Fuck, baby?”

I was confused at first but immediately put two and two together.

You see, the previous day in reference to me being angry at my messed up favorite shirt, when I was being an “angry goat baby” I said something like, “FUCK…makes me so mad! I can’t believe it!!”

Elif isn’t well versed in the more colorful side of our English language so she just assumed Fuck, was the person doing my laundry…hmmm, maybe Fuck was doing my laundry that day.

In any case, I’m sure it was quite interesting hearing me explain what an English curse word is. Since I don’t know any Turkish curse words, I couldn’t really compare it but I did my best. Oh, and I made sure to tell her she couldn’t go around just saying the “F” word out in public.

DeMoNs

DEMONS 
(a chıldrens poem)

I despise these demons in my mind
I feel like I am just a thought-process with no words or action
Like a cadaver with a conscience
A sarcophagus with a soul

The demons flick their tongues of anguish thoughts at me
I am tied to my mind and I cannot see

At times my mummified mortality is bound by these demons

Beckoning to the demons`every demand
I wallow in self-thought and only those voices I can hear

Will you rescue my conscience…my soul…my entire being and silence these voices in my mind?

Meanwhile…a new hairstyle

It`s been a few weeks since my surgery and I was in serious need of a haircut.  My girlfriend, Elif, was oh too happy to step up and volunteer her services.

Actually, she had seen an pic of me from a while back and wanted to see me that way now.  Honestly, I`ve been wanting to go back to that for some time now  so this just made it easier.

I decided to have a camera readily available and, in a dariıng move decided to film it.

Here are a few pictures from the ordeal.

Here is Elif lookiıng way too eager with those clippers

Here she is pointing at me…telling me to sit still…or else!!

For some readon she calls me her goat baby (aka: her baby goat…because Im stubborn)

I guess I didn`t listen fast enough so she did this…

On the plus side…I won`t  have to worry about a part in my hair

And here`s the video

What`s funny is, rıght after she cut my hair she didn`t like it.  The expression on her face was priceless.  Not sure if you can see it in the video.

And here`s the aftermath.

Plus I feel much cooler…as in temperature

The Storm After the Storm

For the past several months I’ve been experiencing some pretty severe lower back pain.  A few weeks after I got to Turkey I decided to get this checked out.  I went to the doctor and started my medical “journey”.  After several preliminary appointments I finally got to see an ortho doc.  He scheduled me for an MRI and a few weeks later he received the results and we went over them.

During the appointment I was waiting in the waiting room after the initial waiting room, the one where they take your vitals and stuff.  As I was sitting there waiting to be called by the doctor I saw this spinal cord display sitting on the counter.  As I was looking at it I noticed something red sticking out from one of the discs between the virtabrae and thought, “Damn, that sucks!”

This is what I saw in the waiting room.

The doctor called me into his office and we went over the MRI.  He told me what the results were but it was all medical and stuff so I didn’t understand a word.  I asked him if he could please explain.  He sat for a minute and said, “Hold on.  Let me go grab something.”

He came back with that spinal cord display I was talking about earlier.  He said, “you have two bulging discs and one of them is degenerative.”

Then he pointed to the red thing that I was talking about earlier and said, “Just like this.”

Oh GEEZ!!

He said that I was going to have to see a sub-specialist, a neurosurgeon (or is that a brain doctor?  Anyway, I have to see a spinal/nerve doctor) .  I asked him what could come of this and he said that I was probably going to need spinal surgery to correct it.

This pic you can see the bulging disc squeezing the nerve being simulated by the yellow string.

Fast forward a couple of weeks (this past Friday, 30 Mar 12) and I’m sitting with the spine/nerve doctor in the downtown Adana hospital, Acibatem (pronounced: Ah-chee-bottom), with my good friend and hospital translator, Inan.  The doc says that from what he can tell by the MRI it doesn’t look too serious but there’s something in the image he just couldn’t quite see well enough.  It looked like it could be something but he wasn’t certain.  So he ordered an x-ray.  We went downstairs (or was it upstairs…can’t remember) anyway, we went to the x-ray department (I believe medical people call it the radiology department) and I got my x-rays done.

We went back up to the doctor and he pulled up the images on his computer.  After looking at them for a second he sayed something in Turkish to Inan.  I didn’t understand what he said but it didn’t sound good.  As soon as Inan received the information I could tell by his face that it was definitely not good.  Inan looked at me and said, “It’s worse than he thought.”

Apparently I have what’s called spondylolisthesis.  Yeah, that’s a mouth full.  It’s pronounced: spon-dee-lo-lis-thee-sis.  Or spondy for short (I just made that up).

Spondylolisthesis is a condition of the spine whereby one of the vertebra slips forward or backward compared to the next vertebra.

It’s my L5 vertebra that slipped forward from my S1 by about 2cm (roughly three quarters of an inch).  Essentially, the last vertebra slipped away from the base.  So, my spine is not grounded properly.

The little vertebra on the backside of the spine must’ve broke allowing the vertebra to slide forward.

Here’s an example pic of what I have.

NOTE: Not my actual spine!!!

You can see the broken bone to the right.

And another.

So, I’m going to need surgery to fix it.  It’s called instrumented fusion.  The doc will remove the cartilage discs between the vertebra and fuse them together.  Then he’ll install this lovely little screws and brace contraption.  It’ll look something like this:

Believe it or not the surgery should only last about an hour to an hour and a half.  It’s the recovery time that’s gonna be a bitch.

But this definitely explains all the pain I’ve been having.  It’s a numbing/achey pain that starts in my lower back (on the outsides) and goes down through my buttocks- my cheeks not my crack (thought I’d be specific on that one)- and works it’s way down my legs.

I’m just glad the spine didn’t slide all the way off the base.  Could you imagine…me walking and all of a sudden my spine slides off the S1 base and down my leg?!  My head would be resting on my hips and my hands would be dragging on the ground.  That’d be funny as shit!!

So, that’s the latest and greatest from me!  Good stuff, no?  I’ll keep everyone posted on the date of the surgery and all that good jazz.  Wish me luck; pray; meditate; do whatever it is you do for other people that requires a higher being.

Sorry...couldn't help it. haha What?! My humor can be dark sometimes!

Rocky and the Sword

This is a a continuation of, “My Magma…”

Later that afternoon we all decided that we should go and grab dinner.

Where we were going was up for debate but since Tom was the only “seasoned” person here and knew most of the popular (and not-so-popupar) places, he’d be the one to decide..

He took us (He, Braxton, and myself) on a brief night time tour.  Then we went to this place called…Honestly, I can’t pronounce it so I’ll just show you a picture and let you embarrass your own damn self!!!  

Tom had heard about this place on…who the hell knows but he heard of a place that served food skewered on a sword.

I just figured…food….sword…good company…sword…and was all in!

We arrived at this place and parking was well…supposed to be valet.

Since I didn’t drive and I was out of the car already…and it was cold outside…I decided to just walk up those flight of stairs and wait inside while Tom “negotiated” with the valet people as to where his car should be parked.

As I was waiting for them to decide where to park I was looking around the place and realized that we may be slightly underdressed.  I was hoping that we could just chalk it up as we were just typical americans and we didn’t know any better.

The thing about this place was…well, it was classy but at the same time it was very…down to earth.

It’s very hard to explain.

It's difficult to tell in this pic but the crown molding and chandelier detail is very nice! It just almost seems out of place.

Finally, Tim and Braxton came up the stairs and we all were seated.

At first they sat us at a table that had not been bused yet.  I was a little disappointed but whatever.  I’m not eating off the table.

After a few servers came up and determined that we didn’t speak Turkish a waiter came up and took us to another table.

As we approached we saw plates with food on the table…I couldn’t help but think…’Damn, why did the previous patrons leave all this food?!?!’

…but as we sat we realized that this set up was…fresh and all for us!!

Apparently, this was the standard entree kind of like the appetizer.

The waiter came up and asked us what we wanted to drink.  We told him our order and someone brought us bread…

I don’t know how to describe the bread but it’s pretty…DAMN AMAZING!!!  The bread looks like it’d be tough but it was so soft and fluffy!  A little heavier and thicker than a sopapilla.  At this point, we weren’t sure how we were supposed to enjoy the assortment that was on the table with the bread so we just experimented with different stuff.

Ended up being that…EVERYTHING worked well with the bread.

The thing about Turkish culture is that, like many European cultures, dining is meant to be enjoyed.  Don’t expect a “fast food” type environment.  When you go out to eat you’re not only supposed to enjoy the food but you’re supposed to enjoy the company you’re with.

By US standards, service is slow.  It may take a little bit of getting used to but it causes you to enjoy the people you’re with.  Which isn’t a bad thing.

When you can sit at a table with a few friends and come up with some….pretty “interesting” conversations…well..let’s just say…it’s a great night!

After a bit the waiter came back and asked us if we wanted “Raki” (pronounced ‘Rocky’).

Tom had told us (maybe “warned” us is more appropriate) about Raki.

Many Americans may say that Jagermeister tastes like black licorice, and I used to agree, but after Tim had professed….and me actually tasting…this Raki stuff really does taste like black licorice.

First off…let me explain.

You take a clear liquid, water and mix it with another clear liquor, Raki and you end up with a foggy shot that looks like a very very skim milk shot…

Water on the left and Raki on the right...mix it up and you end up with...

The Raki shot is on the left. I think the waiter realized our distaste for this local favorite based on our facial expression after taking a sip and offered us this red drink as a chaser. After carful consideration we all decided that the red stuff was beet juice. Not to be judgmental, cuz you know I'm like that, but beet juice isn't that appeasing. To each their own.

In any case, the fact that you can take two clear liquids and mix them together and come up with something…not clear, is pretty amazing.  I sense a schoolhouse rock science episode coming soon.

Not that there was much time to think about such important things because the next thing you know the servers bring us plates full of scrumptiousness.

Okay, obviously I’ve already dug in. But there’s humus, and…other goodness on here.

Well, after two of these Raki drinks (HEY, when in Rome) we decided it was time to order our meals.

 .

The waiter came back and I asked for a menu.

.

Yes, we’ve had bread, an assortment of appetizers and a couple of shots of foggy licorice goodness and we still hadn’t even looked at a food menu yet.

The waiter looked at us like we were from a different country…oh wait…

 .

Come to find out, there was no menu.  You either ordered the sword thing or you asked what you’d like and if they had it they’d make it.

Me personally, I thought this was awesome!

I’m not one to be picky when it comes to food.  I like trying different sorts of stuff.  If you tell me, ‘Look, you’re going to have this otherwise you’re leaving…’ Well, I’ll give it a try.

Grant it…I’m gonna pay for it.  But I’m all for the risk.  As long as I’m not allergic.

 .

We all decided on the sword thing meal and left it at that.

.

After several conversations including us discussing our own scientific-logical explanation why two clear liquids would come together to form a foggy concoction, we finally received our dinner.

Needless to say we had an amazing time.

 .

OH, almost forgot…

At the end of dinner we were just sitting there chilling and talking and I had to use the restroom.  I asked Tom if he knew where the restrooms were but he didn’t.  So I got up and asked one of the staffers.

He pointed to the back of the restaurant out through a set of automatic sliding glass doors.

.

As I walked throughout the sliding doors I was outside on one of the upper level patios.  I saw the “WC” sign for the restrooms but I didn’t see a “men’s” or “women’s” sign.

Here's a pic from the sliding glass doors. the "WC's" are off to the left.

I walked down the few steps and approached what looked like it could be a bathroom sign.  Normally they’ll have a silhouette of a man and woman!!

 .

The sign read, “Bayan WC”.

"Bayan WC"

So here I am standing there…having to pee…and I’m looking down this hallways wondering if this is the men’s restroom.  Then all of a sudden I remember filling out a form earlier that week and I had to fill it out in English and Turkish.  On the back of the form it had the translations for most common entries in the form.

I think I remember “Bayan” was the Turkish translation for “Male”.

I decided to make a command decision (actually, it was more my bladder barking the commands) and headed down that hallway.

As I entered the bathroom I immediately checked to see if there were any urinals (Men, you know what I’m talking about).  When you walk into a restroom in a rush you immediately check for urinals.  You see urinals…you know you’re in the correct bathroom.

I didn’t see any.  Here’s the thought process that took place:

Mind: Ummm, I don’t think this is the right bathroom.

Memory: Yes it is!  You filled out that form and it said “Bayan” was for male.  Trust me.

Me: Stop arguing.

Bladder: Look, I’m going to let go of this stuff right now if you don’t…

Me: Checks all the stalls to make sure no one was in there and went to the restroom.

I left the bathroom and walked back down the hall.

Out of curiosity I went down a couple of more steps to see what the other bathroom had.

I saw a sign that read, “Bay WC”

"Bay WC"

Eh, I’m pretty sure I made the right choice.

I went back inside and told the guys my story.  I mentioned mostly as a, ‘Hey, in case you plan on going to the bathroom make sure you go to the right one….that being the Bayan one.’

Well, Tom had to go so he did.

When he got back he asked me, “Did you say the Bayan one was male or the Bay one?”

I said, “The Bayan one is male.”

He said, “Well, the Bay one had urinals.  You went to the woman’s restroom!”

And both he and Braxton commenced to laughing hysterically.

Now I’m wondering if I put that I was a female on that one form….

You all have a wonderful day.  Thanks for reading…hope you enjoyed.

My Magma Burns Only Me

The other day me and a Tom decided to go and see the sights off base.  Here are some random pics…

 

So....what does Sehir mean?! How about we just take a right?!

Yeah, language can be a slight barrier when it comes to traveling overseas.  But fortunately…we have a magic eight ball…And as many of you know, magic eight balls are mostly always right…sometimes.  

Just kidding.  We, Tom and I, were on our way to pick up a friend from the Adana airport and thankfully we knew where we were going…kinda.  The exit for the airport had a picture of a plane on it which helped tremendously.  

After we picked her up we decided to take a few detours and have a mini Adana tour.  We saw a few sites and visited a local grocery store chain, Migros.  

While driving we were able to see the beautiful Merkez Mosque.  

After traversing the streets of Adana we hit the grocery store and grabbed some wine… (keep in mind, we didn’t go to the grocery store JUST for wine…I just happen to see the wine section…)

I ended up picking this…

Follow up...this wine was AMAZING!!!

 

Nuts in the grocery store...

One of the first things you’ll learn about shopping locally is that everything is fresh!  Fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts…ect.  It’s pretty amazing!  

After the grocery store experience, Tom, said that he needed to pick up some food and stuff for his rabbits and hamster.  So he drove us downtown to a local pet store to pick up supplies.  

The pet store itself was very small yet packed with all kinds of…pet supplies!  My biggest concern walking through the place was not knocking something over.  The place was very small and the aisles were very tight.    

I decided to just let him do his pet shopping and I’d just casually walk around and try NOT to knock something over.  

As I was not knocking stuff over I notice there was a small vending machine off in the corner that sold coffee/espresso.  I decided to take the risk and make my way over.  

Being a veteran of vending machines I knew that if you pushed the button of the item you wanted it would tell you the price.  And knowing that I was in a foreign country I knew that I wanted to make sure I had the correct amount of money for the item I wanted to get.  

Looking over the little machine I decided what I wanted and pushed the button to see how much it would cost me.  

Next thing I know the machine started buzzing and working as if it was starting to make my coffee.  

I’m not saying I panicked but I noticed a platter on top of the machine that had some fine china looking cups (and by fine China I mean…this stuff looked like it should be in my grandma’s China cabinet); very nice stuff!  I immediately grabbed a porcelain cup and went to place it under the drip spout of the coffee machine only to realize there was a plastic shield that protected me from the hot content the evil machine dispersed.  

Frantically, I attempted to get the plastic force-field-barreir open so the assumingly hot liquid didn’t poor all over the floor.  

I pulled at it…I pushed at it…I tried knocking on it as if it would let me in…  Nothing!  

In the back of my mind I realized that I was about to become a story for the employees of this small Turkish pet store…”Yeah, there was this American who tried to get coffee from the machine but he just let it pour everywhere!!!  All over the rabbit food!!…”  

…I realized that the plastic shield had a small lip to it, like a handle and I gripped it and slid it open.  I immediately slid my “china cup” under the spout just as the evil coffee machine started to dispense its evil venom.  

I honestly felt like I was some kind of greek god who just saved a small village from an erupting volcano!  

After, my “greek god” complex started to subside, I started to realize that the “china cup” stockpile from which I grabbed MAY have been the “used” cup pile.  

I didn’t care!  I saved a small village!  

Tom, ended up finding what he needed and said he was read to go.

I said…,”NO.  I’m going to finish the espresso!  I saved a small village!”

He looked at me like I was crazy.  

I’m not saying he was wrong….

Evil Volcano in an otherwise very friendly pet store!!!

No rabbits were harmed in the writing of this blog…

I hope you all enjoy these little stories.  It’s all I can share while I’m here.  If you enjoy them feel free to leave a comment.  My time here so far has been a blast and I’ve met some pretty amazing people.  More stories to come.  Keep reading…and keep in touch.    Thanks for reading.  

 

It’s all over but the crying – Arachnophobia

It’s funny how, when you’re at work, you can be so busy and yet not be apart of what’s actually goes on at work.  Without getting into too much detail, today was one of those days.

I got home and felt like I just wanted to chill.

When I got home, one of my roommates, Mike, was downstairs in the kitchen and asked me if I wanted a beer.  I just couldn’t resist.  We sat in the kitchen/dinning room chatting it up for a while.  I was sitting at the dinning room table while he was in the kitchen doing stuff.  The kitchen and dinning room area are connected- only separated by a counter-top.

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<<<From Mike’s point of view>>>

I was organizing some things and cleaning up and we were just talking when all of a sudden…I heard him yelp something.  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw his jump within his chair.  I assumed he was cramping up or something and told him to just stretch it out.  But he said something that I couldn’t understand.

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<<<From MY point of view>>>

As he was cleaning up and we were talking I happen to see something move across the floor.  I had a fleeting thought to just ignore it but I looked down instead.

It…

was…

a…

FRIGGIN SPIDER!!!!!

Do you remember Chernobyl?!  Don’t worry if you don’t.  It was only a catastrophic nuclear accident that happened in the late 1980’s.  Well, this was almost as horrible as that (Disclaimer: It really wasn’t.  But for me, it was).

I think I yelled….I’m not really sure.  But all I know is that I heard Fernando saying something like…”Stretch it out.  Just stretch it out.”

I was like, ‘stretch it out?!?!  WTF?!’

Then I realized he thought I was having a cramp in my leg.

At that time, I didn’t feel the need to go into the history of my deep dark fear of spiders so all I said was….”There’s a spider that just ran across the floor and I have a HUGE fear of spiders.”

I then calmly got up from the chair and moved to the kitchen.

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<<<From Mike’s point of view>>>

After I realized he wasn’t cramping I was trying to understand what he was saying.  But the tears and babbling kept getting in the way.  I just stood there, not because I didn’t want to help but because…I just didn’t know what the hell was going on.

Finally, I was able to somewhat make out what he was saying but I was only able to understand every other word that was coming out of his mouth, “…spider…scared…peed…pants…”

Next thing I know, he hopped off the chair, charged towards me, and nearly knocked me over.  He was standing behind me pointing at something.  I went from thinking this guy was cramping to….a frigging terrorist attack was taking place.

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<<<My point of view>>>

As I was pointing to the spider on the floor…I realized how big it was.  Villages in third-world countries have been destroyed by spiders smaller than this.

I don’t understand why Mike doesn’t understand me!!  I’m calmly informing him where the spider was and what he should do to it.

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<<<Mike’s point of view>>>

The guy is hysterical!!!  I can’t tell if he’s pointing to the ceiling or the floor.  Either way, I’m going through all my military training and wondering if I’m going to have to defuse a bomb!!!!

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<<<My point of view>>>

If I had shoes on I’d squash it but I don’t.  It’s over there by the cabinet.  Can you please kill it?

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<<<Mike’s point of view>>>

I think he’s pointing at the window.  Maybe there’s someone outside.  Wait…cabinet?!  What’s near the cabinet?!  I AM wearing shoes!!  Quit pushing me!!!  Dude, you’ve only had one beer!!  If this is how you’re going to act after one beer I’m going to have to move out!!!

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<<<My point of view>>>

He finally gathers his thoughts and realizes what I’m saying.  Thankfully he went over to the cabinet and squashed the demon spider.  I heard a HUGE crunch as he stepped on it.

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<<<Mike’s point of view>>>

I’m finally able to decipher what the lunatic was saying.  This guy has issues.  The spider is only the size of the bottom of a beer bottle, I don’t know why he’s so freaked out!!  I went over and squashed it with my shoe.  Man, it sounded like a HUGE crunch!

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…and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the beginning of my demise here at Turkey.  I’ve heard the stories of spiders but haven’t quite witnessed it until now.  F….M…L…

If I knew the Turkish translation for that I’d tell you.

NOTE: No pictures were posted because of national security…NOT because I was scared shitless!!

The phone rang …

The phone rang at the house the other day.  And it rang…and it rang…

To be honest, since I’ve been here, I’m not used to answering a phone unless I’m at work.

Plus, for the past four, no, almost , five years I’ve only had a cell phone so I’m very accustomed to certain ring tones.  The fact that the “house phone” was ringing was very foreign to me.  Ironic considering I’m in a foreign country.

I answered it.

It was a friend, Blaire, and she said that she and another friend were going off base to grab a bite to eat- was I interested?

Was I interested?!?!  Hell yeah!!

I didn’t even bother to ask where we were going, I just wanted to further experience my “Turkey Adventure”.

After we finalized our plans and started to conclude our conversation she said, “Oh, it’s on ‘The Alley’.  We were thinking of going to the Moonlight.  You cool with that?!”

I replied with, “Sounds great!”

I have no clue what this place is.  It could be a late night organ stealing mortuary for all I know.  But it got me off base and possibly a meal.

Later that evening Blaire picked me and Braxton up and we headed out.

The place was literally out the gate and a slight diagonal to the right.

We walked up a flight of stairs (which happened to be blue neon….go figure!) and we were in the restaurant.

A very nice older gentleman recognized Blaire right away and started chatting us up.

Me being me, I started using my new found Turkish because…I’m in Turkey!  I was able to get through the formalities…

“Hi.  How are you?…I’m fine…”

The guy looked at Blaire and then he looked at me and said, “Are you Turkish?!”

I was flattered for a split second then realized that this guy was about to go into full “Turkish speaking mode” so I immediately stopped him and said, “…No, I just got here and am only trying to learn the language.”

Crisis(?) avoided.

He sat us at a table overlooking the street.  {In most cases here on ‘The Alley’ a table looking at the street isn’t necessarily a good thing.  But considering we were in a closed in, as in glass, area…it was good.}  Plus, we got to see all the action going on.

The kind gentleman was shadowed by two..or was it three?…servers.  He made sure we were taken care of.  At first I thought he just wanted to make us feel special but after some observation throughout the night, he was just a really good owner/manager and made sure everyone was taken care of.

He handed us menus and asked us what we wanted to drink.  I looked at Blaire and Braxton and we all said, Efes, at the same time.  Efes is a Turkish beer, I think, and it’s pretty good.

The gentleman looked at one of the servers, who promptly wrote it down, and asked us if we needed anything else right now.

We were good.

A few short minutes later, kind gentleman and his “crew” showed up with our beers

and he had one of his servers ask us what we wanted.

Then came the…entourage of servers with…STUFF!  Our table was full of plates…dishes…and…plates…of food.

We had a type of cheese bread and several dipping…stuff!  The dipping “stuff” varied from spicy, to ‘garlicy’, to a sweet and spicy gelatinous…stuff.  Again, I know…I know…Odd, but ALL of it was amazing!!  And this was all before we even placed our order.

After taking some time to look at the menu we finally decided on what we wanted.  I chose the Lamb Tava.

You have know clue what “Tava” is.  Tava, as I’ve been told, is somewhat similar to Cajun Creole but…(are you ready?!)…different.  It’s not as spicy (although, they would have NO problem adding spice to it if you wanted) but very similar.  I was about to test the creole theory.

The gentleman insisted on testing my Turkish throughout the evening.  Jokes on him because the extent of my Turkish was exhausted after I entered the restaurant.  But he kept giving me Turkish “lessons”.  He wasn’t persistent though…which was cool.

He taught me how to order lamb tava in Turkish but I can’t remember now.  And everyone else ordered their meal.

All I kept thinking was, ‘How the hell am I supposed to eat a meal after eating all of this other shit?!’

It was great company and even greater(?)…no…better…conversation.

Our food arrived and we were ready.  We all agreed that we’d share each others’ food just to get a bit of everything.

Unfortunately, I think, but I didn’t get a pic of everyone else’s food but here’s the lamb tava.

Okay, truth be told, I had NO clue what I was getting myself into when I ordered this.  The gentleman asked me what I wanted and I said, “Lamb tava.”  I figured I was done and let’s move on.  But he then asked me if I wanted to add………..

Exactly!  I honestly couldn’t understand what he said.  I THOUGHT I heard cheese…or sea bass (because, of course, they sound so close!!)…but wasn’t sure.  I just nodded my head.

When I got that dish I was so relieved.  It looked SOOO good.  After several minutes to let it cool down…I dug in.  It was……

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UN-FRIGGIN-BELIEVEABLE!!!

That whole plan of…’let’s-all-order-something-different-so-we-all-can-try-each-other’s-dish’ was out the window now.  haha  just kidding.  We all shared.  While Blaire’s and Braxton’s dishes were really good, I was very happy with what I ordered.  And that little plate with what looks like two rice boobs was actually…well…white rice.  You throw that in with your lamp tava and you have a meal.

The evening ended with all of us enjoying our meal and belching (I’m sure).

Thank you in Turkish sounds like, ‘Lufta’

‘Lufta’ for reading this blog.  Your comments are encouraged and your laughter is mandatory.